Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
