i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
