hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
