I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
