Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Is it because I queefed?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
