Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
