Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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