Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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