i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
