coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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