DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
