So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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