so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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