did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
