Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
