Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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