i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
