Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
