:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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