mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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