and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
