You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
