Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
