I accidentally had phone sex last night
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just google imaged poop.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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