tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
