i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
