My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
