is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
