I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
