Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
