what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The power of my boobs compel you
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
