my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
