If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
