Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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