I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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