And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
