how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
