Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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