It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
