my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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