Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
