I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he shaved USA in his pubs
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
