Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
