dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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