I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
