I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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