Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
