Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
