it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
