A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
