hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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