I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
