I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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