If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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