Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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