My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
