The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
