sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
