I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
