Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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