I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
