laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
