Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
