she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
