i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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