How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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