I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
