Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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