I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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