There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
