Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
