I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
