Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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